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Monday: Crack

Hello there! I'm calliopepurple and I'm your guest host this week.

Today, we're going with an old standby this comm hasn't done in a while. That's right, it's Crack Day! Time to break out the ridiculous ideas and prompts you wouldn't stick up any other day and make people laugh to start the week off.

Whether you're old or new, here's a recap of The Rules
- No more than five prompts in a row or three for any given fandom. Once they're answered, you can ask for more.
- No spoilers in your prompt until at least 1 week after the original airing or publication date. If there are spoilers in your fic, you must warn in bold and leave at least 3 spaces.
- Please thank the people who fill your prompts. Everyone loves feedback.
- Be nice to the hardworking code monkeys and format your prompts correctly.

Formatting examples:

Weiss Kreuz, Schuldig, sticking a song in everyone's head
Author's choice, author's choice, discovering Robot Unicorn Attack
Any series in space, author's choice, zero gravity shenanigans

If nothing looks good today, we have a lovely large collection of Lonely Prompts always waiting for homes!

[theme tag=crack]


( 215 comments — Leave a comment )
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May. 10th, 2010 03:33 pm (UTC)
Weiss Kreuz, Schuldig, sticking a song in everyone's head
May. 11th, 2010 08:09 am (UTC)
More Contagous Than the Flu, and Ten Times More Annoying
The radio was blaring some stupid American pop/rock when Schuldig woke up, but he wasn't fast enough on the off button, and he groaned, falling back into bed for a few minutes. Great. Great. Just what he wanted to start his day, some overly-optimistic crap stuck in his head.

The day didn't get much better, but Schuldig was lost in his fog of being generally angry at the world. It wasn't until he'd showered, dressed, gotten his coffee, and went out for a walk to go get donuts (man, did Nagi really have to eat every donut in the house? Sure, he was going through puberty, but SERIOUSLY?) that Schuldig realized he couldn't hear other people over the repetitive music stuck in his head.


This improved his mood immensely, though the song was not getting much better. While he enjoyed messing with people's minds, it got tiresome in a hurry to listen to them, constantly. Even too much honey will make you sick, after all. He tried to get something else stuck in his head, but damn, American music had a tendency towards the catchy.

Donuts acquired, he began walking back to the building, munching on one idly. Schuldig didn't really pay attention to his surroundings usually, unless he thought he just might be in danger; usually, the thought patterns of those around him were enough to reassure him that he was surrounded by Japan's Finest Idiots, and that he had nothing to fear from these people. Germany, now that was a different matter. But Japan was pretty much safe.

But he was so distracted from the miserable song stuck in his head that he took a wrong turn, and only noticed it when he was halfway down a block and passing a florist's. Damn. He found an alleyway to cut down, however, and ended up back on the main road, walking back to his building even more annoyed than before.


"Hm hm hm hmmm, hm hm hm hm, hm hm hm hm hm..."

"Whatcha humming, Omi?" Yohji asked, reaching over to ruffle the boy's hair. The usual crowd hadn't gathered yet (school hadn't let out), so they had a few minutes to bring the plants out and water them. Omi had seemed preoccupied for a while, though, and he jumped when Yohji touched him.

"I don't know. It's something in English, it just got stuck in my head. I wonder where I heard it." Omi ducked out from under Yohji's hand, adjusting his hat.

"English, huh? Hmmm. I know a couple of words in it, but not much." Yohji looked thoughtful, leaning against the broom. "What does it sound like?"

"Ne-ba ganna kippu mi daoun." Omi tried, sounding out the syllables. He frowned. "It doens't really make any sense. I don't remember any of the English I learned in school."

"Ah well. Try to think of something else. If you want, I'll sing something for-OW." Yohji stumbled when Aya bumped into him carrying a heavy ceramic-potted plant. "Hey! Everyone's a critic."
May. 10th, 2010 03:33 pm (UTC)
Author's choice, author's choice, discovering Robot Unicorn Attack
Jun. 11th, 2011 04:22 pm (UTC)
Death Note, PG
I wanna beee with you
And make belieeeeeve with you
And live in harmony harmony oooh loooooove

Light and L heard the music as they came down the hallway leading to L's war-room/lair full of computers. L looked at Light, a flicker of curiosity showing in his blank eyes. "Has Misa been using the console to download music again?" he asked.

"Misa puts it on her iPod when she remembers how to load it," Light replied.

They entered the room to find Ryuk perched in L's usual swivel chair, clacking away on a small group of keys. On the largest screens in the wall of monitors, a silvery-pink metallic cartoon unicorn with a rainbow mane and tail raced across a shiny lavender landscape, jumping over deep gulfs between rocks or crashing through pink stars.

"Ryuk, what... is *this*?" Light demanded.

"Robot Unicorn Attack," Ryuk replied, his lidless eyes glued to the screen as his spidery fingers clacked away. "I found it last night: I'm breaking my own high score."

((The rest can be found Here
May. 10th, 2010 03:34 pm (UTC)
Any series in space, author's choice, zero gravity shenanigans
May. 10th, 2010 03:35 pm (UTC)
Glee, Kurt + Puck + Quinn + Mercedes, lost in the woods
May. 10th, 2010 03:37 pm (UTC)
The Losers, Jensen + team (&-or Jensen/Cougar), ways to make Jensen shut the fuck up
May. 11th, 2010 03:55 am (UTC)
Clay pressed his hands over his ears. He had a splitting hangover and was debating the merits of vomiting all over Jensen's shoes to get him to shut the fuck up. He worried it would only ignite a further diatribe, though. Pooch was literally holding Aisha down, and she had murder in her eyes. They needed to deal with Jensen, and it had to be done fast.

Clay shot Cougar a desperate look. The sniper shook his head briefly. Clay winced and pouted his lips just slightly, pleading intensely with his eyes. Cougar rolled his eyes and stood. He stalked over to Jensen and stood before him, staring down at the chattering comm man.

"Hey, Cougs. All I'm sayin' is ya gotta be careful when dealing with the quiet ones. I'm sure you can agree with me, if you ever said anything-" Cougar ignored Jensen's constant stream of dialogue and grabbed the soldier by the arm. He lifted him, and led him to one of the side rooms which they had made into sleeping quarters.

The door shut behind them.

Clay stared at the door. They heard the sound of duct tape tearing. Jensen yelped and then there was silence.

Blissful. Wonderful. Silence.

Cougar exited the room alone. As the door swung shut again, Clay caught a glimpse of Jensen thrown on top of one of their duffels, pants down around his ankles and his mouth duct-taped shut.
(no subject) - entropynchaos - May. 11th, 2010 07:31 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - tresa_cho - May. 11th, 2010 01:59 pm (UTC) - Expand
May. 10th, 2010 03:38 pm (UTC)
May. 10th, 2010 03:39 pm (UTC)
Supernatural, Cupid, Cupid saves the world by hugging Lucifer
May. 10th, 2010 04:00 pm (UTC)
AN: I don't even know. I don't. Just go with it.

"And Dad didn't even love me! He liked Michael better!"

"I know, I know. It's okay."

"And Gabriel ran away because he thought I was ugly!"

"It's all going to be okay, Lucifer."

"And Michael hates me! He said I was a freak just because I exercised free will!"


"And no one even likes me and I'm afraid of the dark and even dead people hate me and why?"

"Lucifer." The Cupid gently took hold of Lucifer's shoulders. The devil was sobbing into his hands, sitting in an over-sized armchair, while the Cupid tried to get him to talk about his feelings.

"Sometimes loves hurts, but that's okay, because love is the meaning of life, and I love it, and I want you to know that I love you, and everyone, and God loves everyone, and if you love yourself and love will find you, I promise!" Tears poured down the Cupid's face as he experienced the rapture of love. "Come here!"

They hugged. Lucifer's rotting ear fell off.

Peering in through the window in the office's door, Dean and Sam traded looks.

"Does this mean the Apocalypse is over?"

"Dude, who cares? Lucifer is hugging a naked man. Let's get out of here."

(no subject) - tiptoe39 - May. 10th, 2010 04:02 pm (UTC) - Expand
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May. 10th, 2010 03:40 pm (UTC)
SPN, Sam/Gabriel, filling Dean's car with Skittles
Jun. 27th, 2010 06:43 pm (UTC)
Skittles and Unicorns
I don't know where the unicorns came from...and it's more like Sam and Gabe working together. Hope it's okay?

Sam really can’t take that quite moping that Dean has taken to. That wasn’t part of who Dean was, so Sam went to the one person who could snap his brother out of it.
“You gotta help me out. He’s not even hitting on the trashy girls in the bars. He just sits there, drinking. It’s not him.”
“So what do you want me to do?” Gabriel arched a brow as he folded his arms over his chest. “You just can’t snap your fingers and fix a person. As much as you want me to, it’s not possible.”
“But there’s got to be something we can do, yeah?”
“There’s might be something,” Gabriel unfolded his arms and stuck his hands deep in his pockets, rocking back and forth on the heels of his feet. “But it requires copious amount of skittles, unicorns, and the Impala. Plus your implicit trust in my abilities.”
“I don’t think I should trust once you brought up unicorns but right about now I’m willing to do anything.”
“Alright then, let’s do this.” Gabriel snapped his fingers and they started filling the Impala to the brim with the rainbow. “The unicorns don’t come until later, Sam. And they’re stuffed.”
“Still doesn’t make me feel any better about it.”
“Have you no faith?” Gabriel tossed a Skittle at Sam’s forehead and grinned when it plunked off his nose and hit the ground. “Pick that up. We don’t want to leave an evidence trail.”
“Yes master.”
“Don’t you forget it.” Gabriel grinned wide before emptying another bag in through an open window.
“Can’t you just snap your fingers and be done with this?”
“Where’s the fun in that? Plus I gotta do that for the unicorns.” Gabriel tossed an unopened bag over the roof of the Impala.
“What is it with you and unicorns?”
“I’ll never tell,” Gabriel sing-songed. “Plus you’re lucky I like your brother, otherwise I wouldn’t bother with this childish task. Only he would be amused by it.”
“I am lucky.” Sam smirked.

“So it’ll take about six hours and then we should be able to get about an hour of questioning in before…” Dean trailed off as he took in the rainbow candies pressed against all windows of his car. “What the hell did you do to her?”
Dean shuffled around the Impala, hands skating just above the air of the shiny black paint with shock painted all over his face. “If I have rainbow colored dash or seats I’m going to kill me a Winchester and a Gabriel.”
“Just open the door and get it over with,” Sam grinned and gestured towards the door handle and Dean placed his hand on the handled with a grimace and yanked it open and jumped back. When he opened it skittles didn’t pop out but stuffed unicorns fell at his feet. Dean started at the skittles turned unicorns and he lost it.
“Skittles and Unicorns?” Dean clutched at his stomach, laughing so hard he crumbled onto the ground, tears falling from his eyes. Sam let the infectious laughter take effect and he laughed with his brother. “Sam you are a genius. A mopey bastard at times but a genius.”
Sam offered a hand up and the unicorns disappeared, all but on that was sitting on the dash of the Impala when they settled. “Thanks man, I needed that.”
“No problem, don’t let it happen again or Gabriel will actually do something crazy.”
“No doubt, man. No doubt.”
Sam said nothing about the lone unicorn with a pack of skittles that sat audience to their bickering the whole six hours to the next haunt they were checking out. It amused Dean to no end, so why bother.
Re: Skittles and Unicorns - entropynchaos - Jun. 28th, 2010 01:34 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: Skittles and Unicorns - youaredriving - Jun. 28th, 2010 03:16 pm (UTC) - Expand
May. 10th, 2010 03:40 pm (UTC)
DCU, Ollie/Dinah, little red hood
May. 10th, 2010 03:40 pm (UTC)
Firefly/Cowboy Bebop, Spike/Mal, "You are not a space cowboy. Me, I'm a space cowboy."
May. 10th, 2010 03:42 pm (UTC)
DCU, The Robins, lost in space
May. 10th, 2010 03:43 pm (UTC)
DCU, Dick/Babs, he's the Watson to her Sherlock
May. 10th, 2010 03:45 pm (UTC)
Criminal Minds, Reid/Morgan, asked to profile a class of second graders to see who is vandalising the desks in the classroom.
May. 10th, 2010 03:47 pm (UTC)
Torchwood, Jack/Ianto and Jack/Owen, after Jack is decapitated they end up with two Jacks. Owen and Ianto try to keep them separate so it doesn't end up with just Jack/Jack.
May. 10th, 2010 05:15 pm (UTC)
no fic
This prompt reminds me of a fic I read a while ago, only crackier.

The Jacks
Re: no fic - samueljames - May. 10th, 2010 05:31 pm (UTC) - Expand
No fic but... - alba17 - May. 10th, 2010 05:20 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: No fic but... - samueljames - May. 10th, 2010 05:32 pm (UTC) - Expand
May. 10th, 2010 03:48 pm (UTC)
Emmerdale, Cain/Charity, they get freaked out by the idea of being cousins and everyone in the village starts avoiding them because of it.
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